I used to want to become an Egyptologist so I agree. The magazine actually said that Kim is a "spitting image of (Egyptian Goddess) Isis" and I was like, um, NO. But otherwise, she does have the perfectly symmetrical, dark, amazing eyes, sharp face that we see in generic paintings of an Egyptian goddess/queen… » 7/02/13 11:18pm 7/02/13 11:18pm

Now You Can Have Sex in Monica Lewinsky's Old Clinton-Era Clothes

We know you've always wanted to bump uglies with someone wearing Monica Lewinsky's clothes. Or maybe you want to be wearing them yourself? It's the ultimate intern-boss fantasy, except it's hotter because it's nastier and impeachment is an aphrodisiac. Now an online company is offering you the chance to be the Monica… » 6/24/13 5:20pm 6/24/13 5:20pm

Why I Love My Bitchy Resting Face

Along with millions of other women, I suffer from an unfortunate, incurable condition. Living with it means that even though 97% of the time, I am not sad, angry, menopausal, or constipated, my face sends out a noticeable F-U-C-K-Y-O-U vibe. Yes, I have Chronic Bitch Face, and as a result, strangers think I'm a sad,… » 6/21/13 3:00pm 6/21/13 3:00pm

Female Traders Are To Blame For Every Reckless Financial Crisis

Were you operating under the assumption that Wall Street needs more government regulation to prevent reckless, risky decisions that might make thousands of Americans lose their home, or zero government regulation because the free market takes care of itself, you naive Ayn Rand worshipper? Well, you are all wrong:… » 6/20/13 6:20pm 6/20/13 6:20pm

Republican: Gays Wear Tutus to Work, So They Don't Deserve Rights

An Idaho Republican official wants to overturn anti-discrimination laws because they would prevent him from firing a gay employer who might show up to work wearing a tutu. Because that is what ALL gay people do in order to function in the workplace: they wear their tutus and commute by rainbow. » 6/18/13 7:45pm 6/18/13 7:45pm

Dear Penises: You're Great, Really. Don't Be So Self-Conscious.

Cock-carrying members of the world: your penis is your penis! It is yours to keep for the rest of your life (I hope), and nothing should make you feel less of a penis-bearing man, including other men and their attachés. I know MEN don't like talking about their penises, so I'm going to do it for them, to them. » 6/18/13 5:40pm 6/18/13 5:40pm

Study: Men Die Sooner Than Women Because They Are Fragile Flowers

There are many theories that attempt to explain why women generally live longer than men in every single age group, from womb to super old status. Turns out that women do not just win the longevity race because we're powerhouses, but because men are fragile weaklings susceptible to death. Ohhh. » 6/17/13 4:40pm 6/17/13 4:40pm

Sweden Bans Bestiality Because Somehow It Was Legal Before Now

The people of Sweden can have sex on their LEIRVIK beds while wearing their H&M clothes and listening to Robyn, but they can't do any of that with animals anymore. Until way too recently, the nation helmed as the "perfect society" was also a nation where it was legal to have sex animals. » 6/13/13 5:45pm 6/13/13 5:45pm

Racists Angry Because Little Brown Boy Sang the National Anthem

Yesterday, the Spurs killed the Heat in the NBA Finals game of the balls in the basket. The NBA is relatively diverse, which is why it was quite shocking (but not really) to see the internet react so dumbly and disgustingly to a pint-sized boy singing the national anthem to kickoff the game. » 6/12/13 5:00pm 6/12/13 5:00pm

If You're Going to Pop the Question, Do It Without the Showboating

It's wedding season! (For single gals like me, this means drinking season.) But if the season's general aura of sweaty love made you realize you want to ask for your partner's hand in marriage, please take these recommendations into your consideration so you do not look like an embarrassing attention-seeking… » 6/11/13 1:40pm 6/11/13 1:40pm

I wonder how many football teams the Tebow will have to join to prove that he is an ineffective and lackluster player post-college (the only reason why Bronco nation went wild for him was for star factor, which we unfortunately mistook as football talent)...nothingburger with a side of fail fries!!! » 6/10/13 6:17pm 6/10/13 6:17pm